Renee’s Testimony
Before coming to Northwestern, I was a seeker. I sought knowledge, fame, fortune, everything for myself. I could say the Our Father, Ave Maria, and Glory Be prayers in three different languages. But they didn't touch me in English any more than they did in Latin or Greek. I read the Bible, but only scholastically. I was "always learning yet never able to come to the full knowledge of the truth" (2 Tim 3:7). I knew of Jesus, but I did not know Christ.
In high school, I gave the Lord one hour of my week. I went to Mass on Sunday. My body was physically in the church, but my mind was thinking about the lab report or essays I had to write when I got home. I would stand up and sing, "Oh Lord, You are the center of my life." But I couldn't help feeling like I was lying to myself - lying to myself, and lying to my God. When I get to college, I thought, my relationship with the Lord will deteriorate completely.
Then I got to Northwestern, and my second Friday night on campus rolled along. "Come on Renee, you're going with me," my friend and hallmate commanded me. "Going where?" I could only ask. "Some Christian fellowship. There's free food." "Okay," I agreed. My first thought: YES! Free food!...And I was a Christian... right?...
That was almost 8 months ago. Now Friday is my favorite day of the week.
If I can say this without sounding cheezily corny, meeting the Christians on Campus saints has changed my life. As soon as I walked into the Friday night fellowship, I realized that I was among believers. These were not merely Christians; these were CHRISTians. These were people who loved the Lord and wanted to share that love with others. When we sang that first song, an indescribable, contagious energy filled the room.
Compared to what I was used to when I thought of "religion" or "Christianity," my first fellowship meeting was a shock. These people prayed differently - they said "amen" a lot and even got worked up and passionate for God. I'll admit I was a tad bit scared, but the Lord didn't let me stray. I kept going back, and now there's nothing I would rather do. When I look at these people now, I not only see my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. I see an expression of Christ.
I have come to realize that Christ isn't just a bronze man hanging on the cross at the front of a church. Christ is alive and Christ is with us in our spirits. John 4:24 says, "God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truthfulness."
God gave me a spirit - not a spirit of cowardice, "but of power and of love and of sobermindedness" (2 Tim 1:7). I now use that spirit to seek the truth - no longer the truth I could get from the textbooks, but the truth that is Christ, the truth that is God's Word. For our Savior God "desires all men to be saved and to come to the full knowledge of the truth" (1 Tim 2:4).
In short, I'm still a seeker. But now I seek Christ, the living God. To combine the lyrics to my two favorite praise songs, "Jesus, living One, flood me thoroughly. Be so real to me. I want to know You more." I think I can finally say, "Oh Lord, You are the center of my life."
-Renee
My Guide
I thought about my college years during my car ride to Illinois. I asked myself, "What kind of people will I meet? How will I change after four years?" The feeling of uncertainty ran through my mind as I recalled a scene from the recent Olympics. A young body-builder was attempting to lift the 185-pound weights. His face blushed with pain and his shoulders tightened as he tried to raise the bar over his head. He failed.
The Lord touched me with this image. I was shocked. Am I not like this over-achieving athlete? For 18 years, I've gone about my life depending on my own knowledge and experience, forgetting there's a Being far greater than my understanding. Always there. Always available. My quixotic goals, people's and society's expectations... I've tried to bear the world on my own two shoulders, when I could have just turned to the Lord and asked Him to be my guide.
As I'm starting my freshman year at Northwestern, I give to the Lord everything that I do, and I pray that He would direct me to the right path in a human as well as a spiritual sense. I believe God knows best.
-Tina Yao
The Path I Need to Follow
When I came to college I was filled with dreams of the stage. I auditioned for a departmental production my first semester and received a small speaking/singing role. Soon I was absorbed. I spent hours discussing the art of acting, went to shows to study other actors, and received praise from upper classmen and professors about my acting ability. My happiness was only skin deep. Inside I felt empty.
My dad used to tell me that,even if the set and all were to fall down around my ears, the show must go on. So it did...on or off stage. Lonely and dissatisfied, I attended parties to find a place to fit in, but misery lurked behind my smile. Watching my classmates, I realized that we never stopped pretending. I didn't know lasting satisfaction so I spent my time acting out other people's dreams.
That same semester I began to meet with Christians on Campus. I spent one hour every Thursday reading the book of John with a couple of sisters. At first I thought that we were just reading a book like any other book, but I soon realized that the Bible is more than ink on paper. In 1 John 1:1 it is called “the Word of life” which means that the Word is life. It is even “a river of water of life” (Revelation 22:1). Although I was unaware of it, this life slowly began to reshape my being and replace my love for many things.
An uneasy feeling regarding the theater started to grow in me until one night in anger I told the Lord that if He didn't want me to continue acting then He would have to make me hate it. Eventually, anything related to my major put a bitter taste in my mouth, and I dropped it, to the dismay of peers, professors, and family. Then a small feeling began to nudge me to study elementary education. I had some acting ability, but very little experience with children. No matter how irrational I thought this feeling was, I could not make it go away. I was sure I had gone crazy the day I marched into the education department to declare a new major. Outwardly, I was afraid that I would never be able to handle a classroom, but inside I was full of peace.
Eventually I got an apartment with some friends from Christians on Campus. At the beginning of the new school year we set apart an hour once a week to pray together. We spent a lot of time talking, laughing, crying, and singing, but it was our praying that most strengthened my relationship with my roommates and the Lord. Soon an hour wasn't long enough to contain our prayer and it spilled over into my daily life.
As an education student I was required to volunteer at an elementary school every Tuesday. Oh, how I dreaded Tuesdays. The kids were wild, and I was frustrated. These differing dispositions did not make for a pretty picture. One day I crossed my arms against my chest and defiantly told the Lord that I was not going to school. My head was suddenly filled with a dozen reasons to be with those kids. Driving to the school I told the Lord, “Today I'm not going. Today You have to go for me. Christ lives in me, so, Lord, go in my going.
That day Kimberly, a kindergartener, picked up two sticks, held one on top of the other so that together they formed a cross, and said, “This is how Jesus died.” Shocked, I replied, “Yes, that is how Jesus died.” Then, pointing at the sky, she said, “Jesus is up there. I wish that He would come visit me.” Inside I was screaming, “He can come visit you, and once He does He will never leave you,” but I kept my mouth shut. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind. The classroom teacher was hovering nearby. I racked my brain trying to remember what the law said about speaking the gospel in public schools. Did I want to risk getting in trouble? I had waited too long to respond, and Kimberly loudly exclaimed, “Jesus is God!” Grinning from ear to ear, I forgot my worries and said, “Yes, Jesus is God.
Jesus did visit Kimberly that day. He visited her through me (2 Corinthians 5:20). Volunteering didn't get any easier, and I am still apprehensive about becoming a teacher, but He knows the path I need to follow. Even when I think I am surely lost, He is still leading (Romans 8:14). I don't understand His ways, but His love causes me to follow Him.
-Anonymous
Our God is the God of Free Will
‘Why did God grant human beings free will?’
This was the question that arose within me as I read through the story of Adam and Eve and their eating of the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I simply could not understand why God let them partake of the fruit. Since God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, He could have stopped Adam and Eve from eating the fruit and prevented men from falling. Then, He would not have had to see men disobey Him over and over again and wait for so long to recover what is lost. I tried to think of reasons as to why God allowed so much trouble to take place in this universe, but I was not satisfied with any of them. I also asked many saints for an answer, but none of them convinced me enough to thoroughly discard questioning thoughts regarding this matter within me.
I even applied this question to my situation. I loved the Lord so much and truly enjoyed the church life throughout my junior high years. However, I was not able to meet with the saints in high school because of my living situation. This cooled down my love for the Lord and I was not as interested in reading the Bible or spending time with the saints. When I entered Northwestern, I got involved with many social groups and activities, all of which brought me even further away from the Lord and from the enjoyment of the church life. Then by the Lord’s mercy, I was slowly recovered back to God and to the church. My heart for the Lord increased to the point that I loved Him with my first love. Although I was so happy and thankful to the Lord for bringing me back to Him and to the church, I felt that my wondering years in the world was a waste. I wished God did not grant me the free will to choose many things other than Him, so that I could be more preserved and protected from the world. Just as I couldn’t understand why God permitted Eve to give in to the temptation of the snake, I did not know why He allowed me to take a detour in my pursuit of Him.
A few months ago, a sister in Christ told me that it is a privilege to be able to consecrate oneself to the Lord. At the moment, I did not understand what she meant because by then, I did not think twice about consecrating myself and my entire life to the Lord because He had the first place in my heart. As I pondered upon this idea, God revealed to me what it really meant to consecrate my life to Him. It meant that God is so wonderful and important that I could give my own life to God. It meant that my life was meaningless without God. It meant that whatever I do is for God. Through God’s shining, I had a revelation on the magnitude of the word consecration; I truly understood what it really meant to consecrate myself to God. When I had this realization, I began to wonder how much I must love the Lord and how much I must care for Him to consecrate my entire being to Him.
This was when I finally found the answer to the unsettling question within me.
The reason why God granted men the free will to choose is so that they could choose to love Him. Not only can men choose to disobey God, but they can also choose to love Him with their whole heart. Although there are Adam and Eve who chose to disobey God, there are also apostle Paul and Stephen who loved the Lord so much that they lived and died to the Lord. If God forced men to love Him, just like if He prevented men from disobeying Him, then their love for the Lord would not be so burning; they would love Him only because they do not have any other choice. However, choosing God even when they can have the freedom to choose other things shows how precious God is to them, far more precious than anything else on this earth.
I love God because He allowed me to choose to love Him. I love God because He let me drift away from Him, so I could declare to the whole world that nothing compares to Him. I love God because He waited for me so I could realize how much He loves me by myself. I praise Him and thank Him for granting me such an experience and revelation to know Him as the God of free will.
-C.W.
